Original Post: Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Again, It Begins
Thus begins another three months of too many activities, which will inevitably lead to insanity, weeping and the occasional gnashing of teeth. I tell you this to forewarn and pre-apologize for any absence of person or mind you may experience from me. Do not be offended or frightened friends. I live on! Yes, a new semester dawns, with papers to write, texts to read and brains to suck dry. I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this. I chose this. Silly me.
But I have to say that I was encouraged and quite in agreement with Kasey when she spoke of needing God the most when our ducks are not in a row. Despite the looming workload ahead, I look forward to the necessity of utter dependence again. The last 3 weeks or so have been busy, yes. But busy on my terms. I've made the schedule; I've planned where we would go, what we would buy, how we would celebrate. And I inadvertently asked to God to please, would you be so kind as to wait on the bench? You can sit this one out. WHAT?! As I reflect back on this holiday season, I'm coming to the sad realization that for the first time in a very long time I completely forgot about why we even do Christmas. I think I may have given it a brief glance of a thought during a prayer on Christmas day. But other than that, I was too busy making spinach dip and wrapping presents and wiping boogers from little noses. Now here I am, once again, standing abashedly before the Lord, nervously twisting the hem of my shirt and kicking at invisibly stones so I don't have to look Him in the eye. And He just smiles. Smiles because I'm back and He missed me. Smiles because of my foolishness at thinking I could do anything on my own. Smiles because He knows that I'm entering another phase in which I cannot help but depend on Him. This phase contains too many ducks and they are rebellious ducks and they don't want to sit in a row.
So bring it on, too many ducks. I know I can't deal with you, so I won't try. I'll just sit peacefully, doing what I must, doing what I'm told. God can handle the rest. He even wants to. Aaah, surrender. Sweet, sweet surrender.
Original Post: Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tiny Teeth
~Tiny teeth marks in my bronzer brush handle because it's the only safe thing to distract my kids in the bathroom with while I get ready in the morning.
~Being able to make my kids laugh just by looking at them or making a funny face.
~Lying on the floor and letting them crawl all over me like little puppies who have to "pee-pee, wee-wee, TINKLE!" (WonderPets, anyone? Anyone?)
~Sleepy eye-rubs.
~The deep, purring inhale-exhale of baby slumber.
~Neck-nuzzles.
~Hearing "mama" come out of their little baby mouths with little baby voices.
~Little hands waving goodbye.
~Big crying (I know that's mean, but they're so cute when they get offended when I take something they're not supposed to have away and they cry like I just cancelled Christmas).
~Arms wrapped so tight around me that I feel like a mama oranguatan who's about to go swinging through the trees.
~First steps.
~Having to run because they crawl faster than I can walk.
~Naked baby selves in the bathtub, splashing like tadpoles.
~Never getting a good picture because as soon as the camera comes out they decide it would be a good idea to eat it.
~Mouths that open wider than imaginable as soon as the spoon comes out of the bowl and has yet to come anywhere near their mouths.
Those are just a few. There are lots more.
P.S. Only one more exam left and then 3 weeks off!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yipee skippy.Original Post: Saturday, September 29, 2007
So...I'm not dead. Just busy. Wanna know about my life? K.
Oh by the way, if you're just tuning in: I have 9 month old twins. They make the following that much more interesting...
Mondays and Wednesdays I have class so I'm gone from 2 to 6:30. Tuesdays I work from 11 till 2 or 3 and then I have class from 6 to 9. Oh, also, Wednesdays I have Bible study at church (which is a 1/2 hour away) at 9:15 in the morning. Then I work Thursday nights and sometimes Friday nights. Sundays are church and either Bible study or work at night. Oh, and Adam and I joined a couples small group at church so we'll be meeting with them on either Monday nights or Thursday nights, if I can get work off. Thankfully, though, that's only a 7 week commitment and we'll reevaluate after that.
So, if you haven't heard from me, don't think I'm a bad friend. Please see the previously mentioned itinerary of the chaos that is my life.
Original Post: Saturday, May 26, 2007
"It Gets Easier"
I got this from another blog and it's AWESOME! All new mommies should read it. The end.
My first two babies were born 17 months apart.
One morning, when Adam was one and a half and Stephen was a newborn, I was leaving ladies' Bible study after having picked them up at the nursery. In my left arm was Stephen and his 14-ton baby carrier, two diaper bags and a tote bag. In my right arm were my car keys, three coats and the pudgy hand of little Adam. Just as we exited the building, Adam exploded into a tantrum over something--I can't remember what--and I carried all 25 pounds of screaming boy, dangling from my right hand, his feet refusing to touch the ground. A woman saw me struggling, and with sympathy in her eyes said, "It gets easier."
I went to my car and cried.
Fast forward a few years. Adam had just turned four, Stephen was two and a half, and Joseph was a newborn. It was the end of the day, just before Hubs was supposed to return home. Things had fallen apart. All three of them needed me at once, and all three of them were crying. I sat on the couch, rocking the baby back and forth, a preschooler weeping on each shoulder, and I felt more overpoweringly inadequate than I'd ever felt in my life. I can't do this, I thought, as I focused, quite simply, on breathing in and out. In and out.
Surely, I thought, it must get easier.
This time, I was too spent even to cry.
Those moments, and hundreds more like them, are seared into my heart. As much as I treasured parenting my little pack of preschoolers, the overpowering exhaustion and mental drain that comes from that season of life nearly did me in more than once. I look back on those recent years, and I wish I could give the "me back then" a whisper of encouragement from the "me today".
It gets easier, I'd whisper to my bleary-eyed self. They sleep and they reason and they take charge of their own bodily fluids. They make you laugh and they feed the dog and they remember where you put the car keys. They become functioning, delightful little people who can read the notes you leave them. It gets easier. It really does.
Since I can't go back in time to share it with "me back then", let me happily share it with you moms of little ones. You know who you are. I pop in on your blog sometimes and see that precious, frantic season of life you're in. You're sitting there at the computer, right now, and you may have crusty spit up in your hair. You may have assembled 364 miles of Thomas the Tank Engine track today. You may have sung the Dora the Explorer theme song until your head is ready to explode. You have little ones, really little ones, and they need you so very much. And, oh my friend, I know you're tired.
So yes, I tell you, it really does get easier. Sure, you inherit a different set of parenting challenges as they age, but at least everyone can cut his own meat. You will get through this time.
And if that's not encouragement enough for you, let me share with you something a friend shared with me during a particularly trying episode of Young Mommy Fatigue. She e-mailed me the following verse (Isaiah 40:11):
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. [emphasis mine]
Never have I felt as loved as I felt the moment I first read those words. The God of the universe, the Master Creator, stopped in the middle of telling The Greatest Story Ever Told for just a brief moment to whisper, "Moms, I know it's hard. But I will lead you. And I will lead you gently."
As I read it, I laughed and cried altogether, speechless with thanks at a God who could express such specific tenderness to His creation. I wasn't alone.
And neither are you, moms of those precious little ones. You may be up to your ankles in pureed carrots, but many, many of us have gone before and lived to laugh about it, urged on by the gentlest Shepherd. Take all our word for it. It gets easier. And it gets good.
Original Post: Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The Misery that Is Tummy Time
Why do they call "tummy time" that? It makes it sound playful and enjoyable. And yet, when my children have tummy time neighbors come to check on us because it sounds like someone is gutting a couple of puppies. From the moment I flip them on their bellies the whining starts. Then the crying. Then the yelping. Then the outright screams of indignation. Finally I pick them up after the longest 20 minutes of all our lives and they continue to look me in the eyes and yell at me for another 15 minutes.
I pose the following quesiton: Is this really worth it? My mom said I never got tummy time and, yet, I know how to roll over and hold my own head up. AMAZING! How did I do it without tummy time?!?!
Blech...I'm sure it's good for them. In fact, Addison is almost rolling over and holds her head and chest up better than Asher because she sleeps on her stomach (calm down, all you SIDS alarmists) and Asher doesn't. I can still hate it, though. Any suggestions?
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