So much for that update every week idea. Ah well.
As of yesterday, I am officially half way through my pregnancy. I can honestly say that I feel like it is flying by! And being able to say that makes me smile at God and His ability to make me forget how torturous the first few months were. During those days, where each movement produced an involuntary moan or pathetic whimper, I was convinced that I would never feel healthy again. That I was doomed to a life of constant nausea and mornings spent hanging my head over the toilet.
Yet, here I am, only a few weeks out of the sick stage and, lo, it is but a distant memory. Granted, heartburn has taken nausea’s place with a fierce dedication to my misery. Yet heartburn is but a shadow of a foe compared to that constant first trimester sickness.
I’ve been able to feel the baby moving since about 15 or 16 weeks, starting with that butterflies-in-your-stomach flutter and getting stronger all the time. It awes me every time he/she moves. Last night Adam got to feel him/her for the first time too. I love that part, where it all becomes real for him too.
Now I’m in the thick of my second trimester and I’m truly enjoying being pregnant. Really! And before you start throwing things at me, let me just say that I HATED being pregnant the first time around. Despised every minute of it. And I hated women who didn’t hate being pregnant. Women who were all, “Isn’t pregnancy simply delightful?” and, “Oh, I could just be pregnant forever!” and “Would you like to skip through a flower laden meadow with me and do a Pregnancy Celebration dance and make a circle of dandelions to wrap around my bulbous midsection?”
Those women made me want to boo and hiss and say nasty things about their swollen ankles.
This pregnancy, however, I determined beforehand to savor the time that God and I spent together, growing this little person. No, I didn’t expect to actually enjoy being sick and having heartburn and being sore as my body stretched to inhuman proportions. But I was so set on hating pregnancy last time that I forgot the wonder of it. I didn’t want to make that mistake again.
So now I’m 20 weeks along and I haven’t wasted (quite as much) time on being miserable. Instead, I’ve focused on the marvel of what is going on. And, oh, how I’ve marveled. I’ve marveled at God and His creativity. I’ve marveled at the ability He’s given me to carry and nurture a life into being. I’ve marveled at the curiosity of my twins as they begin to grasp the coming addition to our family.
No, I do NOT enjoy puking. Or feeling like my esophagus is aflame. Or having my legs buckle every time I stand up because my back muscles take a few seconds to kick it into gear. But those things fade in comparison to the awe. And the awe makes everything else worth it.
Look at me, deciding to change my mindset and actually doing it. It’s almost like I’m a real live grownup.
