Blessings in Flesh and Blood

Original Post: Sunday, May 18, 2008

For most of my life I have had friendships that...um...we'll say, that required extra grace on my part. For some reason I attracted girl friends who were obnoxiously self-centered and extremely passive-aggressive. Because I always strove to be a loyal friend, I ended up being poorly mistreated and my friendship was abused. To be honest, I was hurt often and quite deeply.

Lately, God has been showing me what the outcome of those wounds has been. I've always considered myself fairly independent and, when need be, confrontational (sometimes lovingly, sometimes not). However, as God exposes the places in my heart that have been damaged, I am realizing that I am far more of a people-pleaser than I once realized. I am terrified of offending anybody. And the thought of being annoying to someone is mortifying. The problem is that I am constantly feeling like I am annoying or offensive. All of that has lent itself to making me into an uber-apologizer. I apologize for everything, whether I did something wrong or not. I guess in a way I just want to make sure I cover all my bases, so no one will ever be mad at me.

Thankfully, God has given me some very special blessings in the form of amazing friends who love me and accept me for who I am. And who will make sure I know it. One of them is my special friend Linda. God has used her to seal up some loose ends as He teaches me who I am in Him. On Friday Linda and I were driving out to Ada to go garage sale-ing. I started being Ms. Uber-Apologizer about something or other and Linda, in that beautiful shoot from the hip way of her's, stopped me short. "Okay, can I just have a side note," she interrupted. "You do NOT need to apologize for everything. I love you and you are my friend. You are not an inconvenience and you will never annoy me." That little rant of love went on for a minute, but the point was clear. Here was a friend that really does love me, who I don't have to worry about offending or annoying. It was a very epiphanic moment for me--one that I needed to hear from a human voice to affirm the voice of the Holy Spirit already at work in me.

Then today I got a very special e-mail from my very dear friend Sarah. I knew that she had taken tons of pictures at my kids' first birthday party and I kept meaning to get some copies of them. Instead, she suprised me by making this amazing video for me. It is such a treasure and I am so excited to have something like this to show my kids when they are older. I had to watch it several times because the first few times I could barely see through my tears. Tears of joy at the sweetness of my children. But moreso, tears of joy at the blessings that God has given me in the form of friends who love and care for me. I love you my special friends! Thank you for being God's blessings to me.

To view Sarah's video, go here.