L's Goodbye

Dear Turtle,

Today you moved to your new home, and the void you’ve left behind is cavernous. The last few weeks we’ve been preparing to hand you gently off to your next family, and, if I'm being honest, I’ve let it distract me from this day. The day you’re gone and all the preparations are done and your crib is empty and you won’t wear those clothes anymore.

You filled a perfect little hole in our family, and we adored having you here. In the most secret places of my heart,  I prayed you would stay in that place forever. But God decided to move you on, and we’re choosing to trust in the goodness and rightness of His plan. Now, instead of your little person filling that space in our home, it’s brimming over with memories and joy and the honor of being the first ones to care for you.

And what an honor it was.

There is some grief here, but I would do these last 5 months over again in a heartbeat. I am humbled to my knees that mine was the hand that soothed you for the first 5 months of your precious little life. I got to pack you up in the hospital, dressing you in your first outfit, and bring you into my home.  I got to be the one to wake with you in the wee hours and feed you and rock you when you were only days old. I held you when you cried during your first rounds of shots. I sat in the ER with you when you couldn’t breathe. I know what toys you like and where you like to sit. I  know your laugh and what your cries mean. My hand has stroked your head and subdued your tears. Mine is the voice you've turned to in expectation of affection. My mama heart will never stop loving you.

What an incredible, undeserved privilege.

But there is a new mama who has been waiting for you, and she is so excited. She can’t wait to wake with you in the wee hours (although I’m guessing she’s glad you don’t wake up much at night anymore). She can’t wait to know your laugh and what your cries mean. She can’t wait to stroke your head and subdue your tears. She can’t wait for her voice to be the one you turn to in expectation of affection. She will love you so well, Little Turtle. She has waited and prayed and prepared, and she will be such a good mama to you.

And there are little people who have anxiously awaited your arrival too.

Big brother is not much bigger than you, and he’ll probably be jealous for a while. He’ll steal your pacifier and demand attention from your new mama when she’s feeding you. He’ll want to share your new play mat, and he’ll probably try to crawl into your crib. But once he gets used to you, you will be such great friends. Hopefully the best of friends as you face whatever life throws at you. Together.

And big sister has been so anxious for this day. She is overjoyed that she finally gets to share a home with you after all these long months. I can already see her curious, big eyes peeking through the slats of your crib, watching in wonder as you breathe  slow slumber. She will help take wonderful care of you. She'll speak sweetly to you and hold you close when you cry. She'll light up when you let go your raspy laughter. She will show you all her artwork and all her pretty dresses. She deserves to watch you grow up, and now she gets to. I'm so glad for you both.

This new home is where you should be, Turtle. As much as we loved you here, your place is there. It’s the best place for you. We will miss you so much. But don’t worry. We will be ok, because we know that you are exactly where you need to be. And any grief we might feel is brilliantly eclipsed by the joy we feel for you and your siblings and your new mama and daddy.

So, thank you, Turtle. Thank you for sharing our home. Thank you for invading and changing our hearts. Thank you for the opportunity to love and serve you. Thank you for growing our faith and trust in our mighty Father. You are already a world-changer, even at 5 months old.

You are forever imprinted on our hearts and we will love you for always. Be brave, little bear. This crazy, beautiful life is just beginning.

Love,

Mama Erika

Valentine's Day

If you meet me, you'll find out pretty quickly that I am Type A. I love to be organized. I loathe inefficiency and clutter. Administration is my spiritual gift.

So being a mom doesn't always mesh well with my personality type. I had to quickly choose between lightening up or being an organization dictator, and I chose the former. The dictator thing wasn't good for my blood pressure.

Kids are messy, and then they start school. And they start bringing home papers.

So. Many. Papers.

And my oldest wants to keep all the papers. I'm not kidding when I say she would keep every single scrap of paper that she has ever come in contact with if it was up to her. She would also display them prominently throughout the house.

Now, listen. I love my kids. And I love to display their work. But there comes a point where I run out of lightening up-ness and also wall space. We've had to designate some areas where their favorite projects are hung and it seems to be a compromise that works for everyone.

So the other day when Addison hollered from another room, "Mom, I made a Valentine's decoration. Can we hang it on the wall?" I started reorganizing that space in my head, trying to figure out where we could put her latest work of art.

Then she came into the room where I was. She held up her work--a string of red hearts cut out of a single piece of paper--and she was so proud. It was the first time I'd let her use "big girl" scissors all by herself and she had meticulously drawn and cut out her hearts in the hopes that she could help decorate our home. By God's sweet mercy, I was able to respond with grace and affirmation.

"I love it, B," I said. "And I would love to hang it on the wall.  We can put it anywhere you want. It will be a perfect Valentine's decoration."

She beamed.

And she picked the spot that's the first thing you see when you enter our house.

The simple acts of acknowledging her hard work and inviting her to help create beauty in our home seemed to give her a sense of pride and belonging. I loved doing that for my girl. And I love that God has brought me to a place where I can do that. Where I don't have to have things my way. Where I don't let my selfishness and sinful need to control force my kids' creativity into "designated areas." Where a little clutter and some mismatchy decorations are worth the Kingdom love it allows me to sow in their hearts.

I can do this because this is what God does for us. He acknowledges our hard work. He invites us to help create beauty in His world. As a mom, this is incredibly encouraging. Often the beauty we create is in the hearts of our littles, behind closed doors where no one sees us. No one sees us doing our best. No one sees us meticulously working away, shaping the hearts of these small people in our care. No one sees the moments where our kids get it right and we're beaming with pride. But He does. He sees. And I think He is so proud of us.

So when I am able to respond to my kids with grace--when I can affirm and acknowledge them--it's only because I've had a phenomenal example. I've been watching my Father.

Happy Valentine's Day.
 

Let's Try This Again

So, I'm desperate to write again.

Like desperate desperate.

Like feel it in my bones, stay awake at night, ideas always swirling in my head, ready to explode if I don't do something besides make oatmeal and do laundry and change diapers desperate.

After some recent encouragement from some surprising places, I think I might be ready to dive back in. But for some reason, I feel nervous. I try thinking of the logistics of actually sitting down to write. Even now, between that last sentence and this, I had to take a 20 minute break to do all of the above mentioned activities. But I have to figure it out because I've made excuses for too long.

So I'm putting it out there. I'm not going to tell anyone I wrote this post because it's really more for me than them. But part of me feels like if I can get my intentions out into the universe then that will help. I've done the same before.

Maybe this time it will stick.

20 Weeks

So much for that update every week idea. Ah well.

As of yesterday, I am officially half way through my pregnancy. I can honestly say that I feel like it is flying by! And being able to say that makes me smile at God and His ability to make me forget how torturous the first few months were. During those days, where each movement produced an involuntary moan or pathetic whimper, I was convinced that I would never feel healthy again. That I was doomed to a life of constant nausea and mornings spent hanging my head over the toilet.

Yet, here I am, only a few weeks out of the sick stage and, lo, it is but a distant memory. Granted, heartburn has taken nausea’s place with a fierce dedication to my misery. Yet heartburn is but a shadow of a foe compared to that constant first trimester sickness.

I’ve been able to feel the baby moving since about 15 or 16 weeks, starting with that butterflies-in-your-stomach flutter and getting stronger all the time. It awes me every time he/she moves. Last night Adam got to feel him/her for the first time too. I love that part, where it all becomes real for him too.

Now I’m in the thick of my second trimester and I’m truly enjoying being pregnant. Really! And before you start throwing things at me, let me just say that I HATED being pregnant the first time around. Despised every minute of it. And I hated women who didn’t hate being pregnant. Women who were all, “Isn’t pregnancy simply delightful?” and, “Oh, I could just be pregnant forever!” and “Would you like to skip through a flower laden meadow with me and do a Pregnancy Celebration dance and make a circle of dandelions to wrap around my bulbous midsection?”

Those women made me want to boo and hiss and say nasty things about their swollen ankles.

This pregnancy, however, I determined beforehand to savor the time that God and I spent together, growing this little person. No, I didn’t expect to actually enjoy being sick and having heartburn and being sore as my body stretched to inhuman proportions. But I was so set on hating pregnancy last time that I forgot the wonder of it. I didn’t want to make that mistake again.

So now I’m 20 weeks along and I haven’t wasted (quite as much) time on being miserable. Instead, I’ve focused on the marvel of what is going on. And, oh, how I’ve marveled. I’ve marveled at God and His creativity. I’ve marveled at the ability He’s given me to carry and nurture a life into being. I’ve marveled at the curiosity of my twins as they begin to grasp the coming addition to our family.

No, I do NOT enjoy puking. Or feeling like my esophagus is aflame. Or having my legs buckle every time I stand up because my back muscles take a few seconds to kick it into gear. But those things fade in comparison to the awe. And the awe makes everything else worth it.

Look at me, deciding to change my mindset and actually doing it. It’s almost like I’m a real live grownup.

9 Weeks

It's been one year, almost to the day, since I've blogged a thing. That's crazy! I guess I'll attribute that to a year of raising preschoolers, working part time, trying to run a business, leading a small group, volunteering at church, trying to cling to sanity, etc, etc.

For the last few weeks I've been wanting to hop back in to bloggy land. And I've had high hopes of coming up with some sort of a weekly blog, chronicling the journey of this pregnancy. I'm 9 weeks, so that obviously hasn't happened. But now's as good a time as ever to start, and we'll see if I can keep it up.

Adam and I started "trying" in August. That's always been a funny term to me - "trying" - because it's such a nice way of saying what's actually going on. Anyway, this was a year after our original plan of having a third child because we sort of chickened out last year. It only took us about 2 months to get pregnant, but for some reason those 2 months were torture for me. Each time it became obvious I wasn't pregnant I freaked and was was sure God wasn't going to allow me to have any more children. Somewhere in my crazy, self-critical mom mind I had convinced myself that I was doing a terrible job with my twins and God wasn't going to subject any more kids to my care. Silly, I know. I have no idea how people go through the "trying" period for very long. Those very short 2 months which felt like an eternity to me gave me a much deeper level of compassion and empathy for families that try and try for children. I finally had to come to a place where I was completely satisfied with my family and I realized that, even if God chose not to give me any more kids, He had already blessed me beyond belief with the kids I have. And, no, I'm not saying this is the magic tool to get pregnant. I hate when people say stuff like that. Things like, "You won't find a husband until you're completely content in your relationship with Christ." Because, honestly, some of the most content-in-their-relationship-with-God women I know are still single for whatever reason. Who knows why God does what He does?

Ok, enough of that rant. Since I haven't really done a week by week blog thus far, here's a little catch up...

Week 4 - Two pink lines!!! I'm pregnant!

Week 5 - The nausea sets in. Not horrible, just a little in the morning and usually feeling better by the afternoon.

Week 6-8 - The nausea! OH THE NAUSEA!!! It was debilitating and I sort of had to check out of life for a while.

Week 9 - I had my first doctor appointment and, hallelujah, there's only one baby in there. My doctor always does an ultrasound at the first appointment to verify due date and, for me, to see how large our family will be after this pregnancy is over. There is something absolutely breathtaking about seeing that precious little blob of a person, with its tiny heart beating and fluttering like dragonfly wings. At our ultrasound he or she was wiggling around and moving its arms and legs all over the place. At one point, we could even distinguish 5 little fingers. I'm still feeling sick, but I'm slowly reentering society, which has been nice.

So that's where I am at this point, and hopefully I'll be able to keep up a little bit a routine with this blogging thing.

Cookies!

My dear friend Sarah is holding a cookie exchange today and I thought I'd participate. It's a great way to get a lot of fun cookie recipes without coming home with 74 dozen cookies that will all end up in your thighs. So here's my recipe for Magic Cookie Bars. Super simple and super delicious!

Magic Cookie Bars:

1 can Eagle brand condensed milk

1/2 cup butter, melted

1 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs

1 cup chopped nuts (I prefer walnuts)

1 cup (6 oz pkg) semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 1/3 cup flaked coconut

Pour melted buter in a 13x9x2 in. pan. Sprinkle graham cracker crumbs evenly over bottom of pan.

Sprinkle chopped nuts over crumbs.

Sprinkle chocolate chips over nuts.

Sprinkle coconut over chocolate chips.

Pour milk evenly over coconut.

Bake at 350 for approx. 25 minutes. Cool 15 minutes and cut into bars.

Makes 2 dozen 3" x 1 1/2" bars.

(I've also tasted this recipe with butterscotch chips and different kinds of nuts added. It's an easy recipe to play with.) Enjoy!

Forts

When I was little, much to my mother’s chagrin, I loved forts. Once every few weeks I would build one in my room, gathering every spare sheet, blanket, and pillow that we owned. Then I ‘d crawl inside and make a little home for myself. All the things I loved lived there with me. My favorite books. My most beautiful dolls. My best stuffed animals. I would leave my fort up for days.

I loved the feeling of safety that my forts afforded, the sense that no one could see me or touch me. I loved that there were walls and a roof and they were so close that I could touch them, make sure they were intact.

Lately God has been revealing something to me. My fort building ways didn’t stop just because I grew up. I still build forts. In fact, I’ve become quite the expert. Only, now, I build them around my heart. And they are made of concrete.

Somewhere along the way, I believed the lie that I am too much to handle, that if people really knew me, they’d run away. Shrieking. If you know me, you have seen this evidenced in my propensity to apologize about everything—like I’m trying to apologize away my very existence—and in my tendency to keep people at arm’s length when it comes to any depth of relationship. Because, I figure, if I don’t let you in, then you can’t hurt the things I care about most. You can’t tear my favorite books or steal my most beautiful dolls.

It’s not such a happy way to live.

And so, in recent weeks, I’ve been working up the nerve to pick up the proverbial sledge hammer that God laid at my feet quite some time ago and start swinging away at those steel reinforced concrete walls. That’s one thing I love about God—He gives us the tools, but He never forces us to use them, only invites.

I have to admit, I’m a little bit terrified—even writing this has been hard. I actually started this particular blog entry weeks ago, I guess as a way to stick my head out of the fort and test the weather. And ya’ll…it’s been a hailstorm ever since. Enough to make me duck back inside for a couple weeks. But I don’t want to stay inside anymore, because while I’m protected from the storms, I also miss the sun.

And so. Here’s to the first swing of the hammer.

I am not very good at this blogging thing. I'm better about my Xanga. So if you know me and care to know about my life, go there:

www.xanga.com/sparkle916

The end.

Not to toot my own horn...

Ok, maybe a little tooting. As most of you know, I've been in school the last four semesters working to finish my degree (which I will accomplish, Lord willing, in April). And I just finished another semester. I only took 2 classes, Italian 201 and Brit Lit: Victorian to Present, because I wanted to give myself ample study time. I wasn't too worried about Brit Lit, since I'm an English major and I usually know what I'm about in all my Lit classes. But I was freaking out mildly concerned about Italian. This semester was my third semester and I took my first 2 semesters about 4 years ago. Needless to say, I remembered very little. My goal, honestly, was just to pass. A C or better would have been fine with me.

Well, friends, my grades just got posted and I TOTALLY GOT AN A!!! In both classes!!!!!!

I really don't mean to be all Braggy McBoasterson, but I am so excited because I really did work my heiny off this semester. And I really needed some good news today. Adam and I are currently in a time of...we'll say...testing. And things seem to be piling up all around me. I'm really trying not to wig out and I'm definately learning that dependence on God cannot coexist with my tendency to try to control and micromanage my life, as well as those of the people around me. So seeing my grades today really boosted my spirits.

I hope everyone is having a great week and finding true joy in this crazy, overly commercialized, but so meaningful holiday season. Merry Christmas, everyone!!! (That was a little Charlie Brownish and I like it.)

~erika

Let It Snow

I tend to get a bit annoyed around mid-November, when Halloween candy is still sitting on my counter and Christmas ads mount a full scale attack on my television and radio. I really don't ever feel truly "Christmasy" until after Thanksgiving. And, even then, I have a hard time without snow and decorations. So, in light of the 3 day blizzard we've been having and the fact that our Christmas tree and decorations are up, I'm definately more in the Christmas spirit. I can even stand Christmas songs on the radio and sometimes (::gasp::) I even seek them out.

Before we get too far into the thick of the Christmas season, I thought I'd share a few pics from the last two holidays. I have, as yet, failed to share any photographic proof that we did indeed participate in these holidays. So, I thought now as good a time as any. Here goes:

I was a super mom at Halloween this year and my kids wore the same thing as last year. They looked a little haggard, but I didn't waste $40 on costumes that they wore for about 20 minutes. This makes me a self-proclaimed super mom. And if you don't agree, well, then, you're probably one of those mothers who spent $50 on costumes for her kids or actually had the time to make them. Kudos to you. Leave me alone.

At least they weren't weeping this year. Here's a pic from Halloween 2007. Ok, so they're not weeping, but this is one of the few pics in which they're not. Notice how I switched they're costumes this year. I'm so crafty!

Here's Adam and I at Thanksgiving. It's a little sick that we match, but I promise we didn't plan it. Notice Adam's very professionally trussed turkey. He took a lot of pride in it and it was delicious!

And here's just a few cute ones of my kiddies. One day last week Addison refused to take a nap and then passed out on the couch at 4:00. This is Asher shushing everyone to not wake her up while simultaneously attempting to climb into her eye.

And last but not least... Two weeks ago Addison started sleeping in her big girl bed. ::SOOOOOOOOB::

Isn't she as precious as she could be??!!!

Happy weekend all!




~erika

Picture Day

Original Post: Tuesday, October 07, 2008

On Sunday we had our family pictures taken by wonderful, amazing Kasey. It was...interesting...to try to get both of our near-2-year-olds to hold still, let alone look like the world wouldn't come to an end if they were captured on film. Thankfully, Kasey has talents galore and magicked out some amazing shots. Here's a preview. I haven't even seen the rest, but I am so excited!!! To see more of our fam or Kasey's beautiful photos go to www.xanga.com/POSH_photography or http://www.poshphotographyonline.com/ .

And with that, my friends, I am officially caught up in my endeavor to copy all of my Xanga posts onto this blog. Hallelujah! Except now Sarah's telling me that I can't slurp it up. Bummer. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

~erika

New Hampshire

Original Post: Tuesday, September 16, 2008

We are back from New Hampshire and, I have to say, it is so good to be home. If I ever again think it is a good idea to drive 17 hours to somewhere, only to spend 2 days there and then turn around and drive 17 hours back, somebody please knock me out and tie me up until said lunacy is over. At least the 2 days there were pleasant. Saturday we went to Adam's cousin Hannah's wedding and had a nice time. Weddings are always fun. Below are some pics. Then Sunday we took a drive (I know, right? More driving? For recreation?) up towards the mountains and Lake Winnipesaukee, hitting Alton Bay and Gilford and Laconia. Adam used to live in Gilford when he was really small, so the Lynds family took a little trip down memory lane.

It was actually really interesting to watch. I, of course, have none of the memories that Adam and his family do. So, for me, it was just more driving and some pretty views. But for Adam's family, especially Adam and his sister Aubury, these places conjured up images and memories and emotions long forgotten. We stopped at the cottage in Alton Bay that they vacationed at every summer as kids and I got to watch as their eyes lit up just like they probably did when they were 4 and 7. They pulled me around pointing out the boulders and trees and trees they used to climb and the beach they used to romp around on. We also drove by their old house and school in Gilford and ate across the street from the shop Buzz, Adam's dad, used to own in Laconia.

The only spoiler to the day was that I was miserably car sick. New England roads are definately NOT Michigan roads and I think I would take flat and pot-holey to winding and rolling and heaving any day. Other than that it was a nice weekend away. Although I think we're all exhausted and don't want to see another rest stop for the rest of our lives, it was fun to spend time with each other and see a place that is so near to my husband's heart. Here are a few pics...

Adam and his cousins Josh (left) and Jordan (middle), ready for their boy band album cover

Aub and MeMaggie (doing a jig) and Buzz
Abbie and Matthew (Adam's cousins, adopted a year or two ago from Africa. Matthew let us have his bed for the weekend. Thanks Matthew!)
The hubby and me

At a restaurant in Laconia. I got scallops fresh from the ocean. Yum!
A view from a scenic lookout...I think in Vermont?
A view of Alton Bay, Lake Winnipesaukee, from the old cottage
Adam and Aubury at the old resort

So that's that. Like I said, I am ecstatic to be home and getting back into the swing of every day life. I missed my kiddos terribly and being back with them makes even the exhaustion from the trip seem small. Hope you all had a great weekend, too!

~erika

And We're Away...

Original Post: Saturday, September 13, 2008

Hey ya'll. I'm in New Hampshire for the weekend. We were in the car from 5:15 am to 11:00 pm. It was rough, to say the least.
I'll update with some pics when we get back. Pray that my babies do OK at my mom's for 4 days without us. Yikes! I miss them already.

~erika

Heaven, anyone?

Original Post: Saturday, September 06, 2008

I'm sick of political arguments. I hate them. I hate how up in arms I find myself when I'm talking about it. I hate that there are only two choices, neither of which are great and I have to choose the lesser evil. I hate slanderous commercials. I hate people speaking to me like I'm a halfwit because I love the Lord and my faith affects the way I think politically. I hate reading about candidates and hurting my brain trying to decipher truth and facts from incorrect innuendos and outright lies. I hate that there are so many angry men on AM radio who yell all day about what they think is right and wrong.

It's in days like these that my heart becomes very, very homesick. I long for heaven and closeness with my Jesus with every fiber of my being. I long for my home where there are no games and no hidden agendas. Where there is no one crouching around like a lion looking for whom he may destroy. Where there is no wool to be pulled over anyone's eyes and, instead, there is revelation and enlightenment and fulfillment.

I keep picturing the Little Engine That Could, huffing and puffing and straining and plugging away up that steep, daunting hill. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." That is me right now, huffing and puffing and struggling through this life that almost always feels like an uphill battle to keep moving. Just another inch. And just like that little train I keep going. Not because it's fun or easy. But because I know what lies on the other side. In that valley there is hope and promise and reward. And there is Jesus. For that, I will keep on. And when I get there, and I am walking hand in hand with my Lord, I will remember the little blue train and echo her words. "I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could."

My greatest hope is that when I think those words, my Savior will lean over and whisper, "I knew you could, I knew you would, and you did."

~erika

Birthday Treat

Original Post: Monday, August 25, 2008

I have literally no time, but I wanted to pop on and update quickly about my life.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I had a great weekend celebrating. I will write a post later that does the fun of my weekend and the generosity of my friends and family justice. But I did want to proclaim that my husband is amazing and abundantly generous and thoughtful and sweet and wonderful. I've been praying for a laptop forever and that's what he got me for my birthday!!! He's amazing. My answer to prayers in ways so much more important and grand than being the bearer of my laptop.

So cheers to Adam, my gracious companion.

More later...

~erika

Helpful Hints for Hubbies

Original Post: Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I got this e-mail today and it made me giggle, so I thought I'd re-post it here. I'd love to say that none of the following sayings have ever come out of my mouth with the intentions described. But if I said that I'd be a big fat liar, so I won't. Hope you enjoy a little giggle. I know I did.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE – A Quick Reference Guide

(1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument, when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

(4)Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It !

(5)Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6)That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - then it is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying Screw You.

(9)Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Tee-hee. Hope your week is well.

~erika

My Little Babushkas

Original Post: Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This post is really just going to be a barrage of photographs. I've finally gotten myself somewhat disciplined about not only bringing my camera with me when I take the kids out, but also actually taking pictures. I know it's sad that it took me a year and a half. But those of you with young kids can relate to me, I'm sure. Taking pictures while also trying to manage deathwatch is a tricky thing. But we've had a busy week or so and I got a few pics of all our events. So here goes...

I thought I would update you on Asher's progress in his big boy bed. He finally fell asleep in the actual bed after a few nights. Proof:

However, I went in 2 hours later and...

I returned him to bed and went to check on him a little later. He looked much more comfy, like he's taking a snooze in a hammock...

Lately, there's been a lot of this...

So we nixed the pillow for a while.

Saturday was my niece Ava's birthday party at Hager Park. They had fun running around with their cousins. And they actually wore birthday hats for a minute. It was uncanny. I was impressed.

Landon, Coltin, Ava, Donovan, Addison, Asher, and Egan

Sunday we went back to my parents' and their cousins and Laney came over to play.

Uncle Day-day (my brother Daniel) and Asher

Addison and Laney

Addison got a hula skirt the day before at Ava's birthday party. I made her wear it all day.

Last week I brought the kids to my mom's and we played on the neighbor's trampoline.



And with rocks.


Then yesterday, we went over to Coltin's to play with him and his water table. I don't think my kids really got it.


And finally, today we went to the Splash Pad at Lamar Park. They weren't so all about it. I think the water was a little cold for them. But they had fun making my mom and me chase them around.


Eating Lunch


So there you have it. A photo journal of our last few, very busy days. It's been so great for the kids to be outside so much. They don't get to go out too much during the week because I find it utterly impossible to take them out by myself. They're too fast and our yard it too treacherous for little feet that are not too sure of themselves. It's been wonderful to see their little grins and hear their heart swelling giggles as they've torn around terrorizing nature.
Hope you're all having a wonderful week!

~erika

Voices In My Head

Original Post: Saturday, July 19, 2008

I'm bone weary. Do you ever have weeks like that? Where your body is all but shutting down by Saturday night and your eyes hurt like you've just sobbed for hours but you haven't shed a tear and you start panicking because tomorrow's Sunday already and you haven't even touched the laundry and Monday is screaming up your tailpipe like an angry trucker? Such has been my week. Kasey put it best when she described what I'm feeling as paralyzed. Like all I can do is follow my kids around from room and room in an attempt to thwart them from the danger that would be imminent should they be left alone.

I don't mean to complain because, really, I have it pretty good. I have a home that is cozy and safe. I have a husband that loves me and is an amazing dad. I have two of the most precious children ever and they are healthy and sleeping soundly in their beds. And most importantly, I have a faithful and unmoveable Lord who loves and cherishes me deeply.

But sometimes, despite the number of times I repeat this little list of blessings, my entire being disregards it and politely asks, Please quit with the lists and feed me something that has been deep fried. And perhaps also dipped in chocolate, if that's possible. And if you could manage to do something completely mindless, like sit on the couch and watch hours of television, that would be swell of you. I like that voice. Ok, maybe I don't like it because, if we're honest, that voice makes me lazy and cellulitic. But I'm comfortable with that voice, so I listen to it and pretend I do so because I like it. Like that voice and I are buddies and I really should be accommodating to such a great friend.

But then there's this other little voice. More like an itch in the back of my brain. It says something like, Really? With the fried foods and the chocolate and the sloth impersonations again? Really?! Maybe you should do something else. Like make your brain process something other than Sesame Street or Wipeout. Like attempt to be creative or intelligent or at least coherent. That voice and I tend to bicker. Did you ever have anyone tell you that itches are entirely in your head and if you force yourself to not think of them then they'll go away? I don't really believe that, but I try it anyway with that little back of my brain itch. It doesn't seem to be working. But then again it never worked on real itches either.

So I heed that stupid and annoyingly healthy voice. Hence, here I sit, typing away and blithering on about weary bones and fatty foods and brain itches. And you're probably reading this and thinking, Good heavens. This girl does need a fry sundae. And you're probably right. But as I journey on with God, I'm learning that a lot of times that little voice that I like to ignore and bicker with isn't just me. It's Him. Calling me to something else, something bigger, something that demands things from me that I only possess because God put them there on purpose. And while there is probably no real kingdom changing waves rushing out of my little blog to save the world there are heart changing waves that rush back at me when I do something that utilizes a gift from the Lord. Am I saying that God told me to start a blog? No. Definitely not. But He did call me to live in the fullness of who He made me. And for me that sometimes looks like writing what I'm thinking and stretching my creative muscles. And I figure that while I'm about it, I might as well share it with some people because, who knows, maybe someone can relate. Or at least get a good chuckle out of my silly little world.

Hope your weekend is full of blessings and lots and lots of chuckles.

~erika

Wordless Wednesday: Toddler Bed Transition, Attempt #1

Original Post: Wednesday, July 09, 2008



(Elmo looks comfy, though)

~erika

Way Making

Original Post: Tuesday, July 08, 2008

There are zillions of things that I love about being a mom. Little feet and little hands. Little smiles and little giggles. Lots of hugs. Hearing my babies say “PEEZ!” after I’d almost given up on them ever understanding the meaning of manners. But one of my most favorite things has to be the way God uses motherhood to teach me things about His character. Last week brought one of those lessons and it was so smack-me-upside-the-head-blatant that I giggled about God and His way of doing things for the rest of the day.

The kids’ booster seats are set up on two kitchen chairs that sit against the wall of our dining room. Usually these chairs stay put, but sometimes, like when I need to vacuum up the aftermath of our daily lunchtime explosion, I push them back so they end up making a barrier between the dining room table and the wall. Last week, this barrier was in the way of my sweet little boy as he tried to reach his sippy cup. As some of you know, my son is a Tonka truck. He is strong and tough. If something is in his way, he will move it. If something isn’t working for him, he will make it work (which usually means breaking it, yelling UH-OH!, and then playing with it the way he originally intended). So, when Asher encountered this barricade of wood and green and white striped fabric, rather than go back the other, completely unobstructed way around the table, and despite my warnings to cease and desist, he proceeded to push against the chairs with all his might. However, instead of the chairs gliding gracefully aside and opening a path for his highness, they tipped over with a loud clatter, scaring Asher to tears.

With a knowing shake of my head I scooped him up and held him, knowing that he hadn’t been hurt, and I smirked at his insistent stubbornness. I whispered comfort into his jelly-crusted hair and kissed his tear-streaked face. Then I looked at him and said, “Honey, Mommy told you not to push on the chairs. I told you to wait for me and I would make a way for you because I knew that if you tried to make a way for yourself you’d get hurt or scared...”

Oh.

Even as the words left my mouth, I was humbled and floored as memories scuttled through my mind of those very words being spoken to me by my gracious and loving Lord time and time again. And I continued to reflect on those words long after Asher was set back down and had resumed his usual mayhem.

I think I have always imagined God saying those words with a finger shake, scolding me. “I TOLD you to wait for me!” But that brief incident with my son made me wonder how many times God’s heart for me has looked more like mine did for my child—full of love and patience with just a hint of amusement at that persistent quest for independence. And I smiled, because I’m pretty sure that’s what God’s heart usually looks like for me. After all, I’m His kid. And while He may get upset with my sin or my resolve to do things my own way, He never gets flustered and He certainly never wavers in His love for me. And His way always is better. I've learned that lesson more times than I'd like to admit. My king does, in fact, know what's best for me. Just like He said.

And I am so unbearably thankful. For God. For His unwavering love. And for my children that teach me new dynamics of that love every day. God is so good and my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude and love for Him. I hope you know His love, too, because it’s great. Both in the amazing sense of the word and the vast sense. I know that probably sounds a little cheesy, but it’s true, so I don’t care.

Hope you’re all having a blessed week.

~erika